How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
