does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I didn't notice because vodka
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
