i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize