am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
