somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Randomize
