Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
