My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
