at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
