I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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