vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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