Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Randomize
