Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
