We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
