i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
well you can't waste a boner
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
