OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize