im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
