Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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