I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
