it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
