Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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