I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
