You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
