the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
