We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
