I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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