ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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