we made out on top of his cat.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
