I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
