totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Vodka?
Forever.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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