I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
