my vag is so smooth its legendary
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
