my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
