i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
