I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Randomize
