I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Every concussion has its silver lining
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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