Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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