you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
