At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
