this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
