It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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