He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
