She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
