One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
