yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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