Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
