Can Purell be used as lube?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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