I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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