Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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