Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
