Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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