he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
