I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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