we have pet lesbian snakes
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
