My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
