Non-Jews are for practice
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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