hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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