Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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