she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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