He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
