Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
