is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
