tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
high people should be assigned attendants
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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