I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
