i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
