Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
