is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
