why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
