Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
