I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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